My Wife
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A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and took a firm hold of her left breast. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."
"Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed.
"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."
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