Foot in Mouth Department
PLEASE REMEMBER TO ENGAGE YOUR BRAIN BEFORE SPEAKING! >______________________________________________________ > >"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the > world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not >with all those flies and death and stuff." >-- singer Mariah Carey. > >Question: "If you could live forever, would you and why?" > Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live >forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live >forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever." >-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest. > >"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same >reactions in the brain as marijuana... The researchers also >discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they >are." > -- Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22. > >"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with > the law." > -- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor > answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes. > >"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part >of your life." >-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson > for a federal anti-smoking campaign. > > "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body." > -- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward. > > "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime > rates in the country." > -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C. > > "Beginning in February 1976 your assistance benefits will be > discontinued... Reason: it has been reported to our office that you > expired on January 1, 1976." > -- Letter from the Illinois Department of Public Aid. > > "The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history...this > century's history...We all lived in this century. I didn't live in > this century." > -- Dan Quayle, then Indiana senator and Republican > vice-presidential candidate during a news conference > in which he was asked his opinion of the Holocaust. > > "Rotarians, be patriotic! Learn to shoot yourself." > -- Chicago Rotary Club journal, "Gyrator". > > "The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make > them unsafe." > -- Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia. > > "I've always thought that underpopulated countries in Africa are > vastly underpolluted." > -- Lawrence Summers, chief economist of the World Bank > explaining why we should export toxic wastes to > Third World countries. > >"After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the > school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of > David Steele to the post." > -- Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington, Rhode Island. > > "The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing." > -- Dizzy Dean explaining how he felt after being hit on > the head by a ball in the 1934 World Series.
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How to Stay Married by Veronica, 1998, Feb 27
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